i want to drown in chocolate

i’m sitting in the reading room of my lab at 12pm (aka lunch hour) cos i’m so lazy to go down to eat. food in science is so not appetising, neither is it enticing. i stocked up on chocolate products though: chocs,choc chip cookies, choc wafers, etc. i’ll probably eating one of them for my lunch. i need the choc to relieve the stress ugghhhh. yesterday while trying to do my slide for the presentation on friday i could take it anymore. so i got up, went to coop, and drowned myself in a choc-product-buying frenzy.

anyway, this morning on the train, i had a random thought. in front of me stood a guy in shirt and pants (typical working attire). he didn;t have a bag with him. and this is not the first time i see a guy go to work without carrying anything. i cannot imagine going out not carrying anything. like at most, i’ll be holding my phone. hmmm am i being weird? but i guess if i were a guy, my wallet would fit into my back pocket. my keys in my left pocket, and phone on my right. then i’ll be all set to go! but seriously, not even a book to read on the long train ride? (i miss reading for pleasure. sigh.)

say it isn’t so

my laptop is on the verge of hanging once again. sigh. really sick of it. can’t even copy and paste things into excel without worrying that it will hang. ugh. the start bar or whatever you call it always hangs too. i bet you didn’t even know it could hang. basically nothing happens when i click on it. ugh. stupid laptop. did i also mention that my left arrow key is not working too?

didn’t do much work today. hoping to get some done now even though it’s 2.31am. oh, the sad life of a science fyp student. i can’t go out without feeling extremely guilty and overwhelmed by the amount of work left undone. sigh. previously i never wanted to graduate cos i hated the idea of having a job, something that would tie me down, something that i couldn’t skip as and when i wanted to, something so mundane. now, i totally can’t wait for this final year to be over! doing what i’m doing now is like holding a full time job while doing a part time degree. it. is. damn. tiring.

i have to go restart my comp now cos i can’t open my other windows even when i use alt-tab. rah.

old school

There was nothing to say the day she left
I just filled a suitcase full of regrets
I hailed a taxi in the rain
Looking for some place to ease the pain, ooh
Then like an answered prayer
I turned around and found you there

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can’t cure any fool
Whose dreams have fallen apart
Fixing a broken heart

Ever could understand what I’m going through
There must be a plan that led me to you
Cause of the hurt just disappears
In every moment you are near, yeah
Just like an answered prayer
You make the loneliness easy to bear

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can’t cure any fool
Whose dreams have fallen apart
Fixing a broken heart

Soon the rain will stop falling baby
And I’ll forget the past
‘Cause here we are at last

You really know where to start
Fixing a broken heart
You really know what to do
Your emotional tools can’t cure any fool
Whose dreams have fallen apart
Fixing a broken heart

on of my favourite songs of all time. mainly cos everytime i heard it i feel damn nostalgic. makes me think back to my sec school days and i think of how i was at that time and of all the things i went through. and now i also wonder how i changed from who i was to who i am now. it’s almost like i’m 2 different people altogether. it both amazes and scares me. but still, oh to be young and free!

i’m the one who

i don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep or the pressure on me, but i’m beginning to feel upset more easily. and i start to miss things that i have agreed to attend all in the name of work, be it by choice or not. i hate it cos i feel like one of those people who always say, ‘yeah i’m coming, see you there!’ and the next thing you know, ‘eh sorry i can’t come leh, i’ve got blah blah blah.’

but i’m so not like that! at least i don’t want to be like that. and then it becomes another standard i have to live up to, putting even more pressure on myself. i feel like my life is now controlled by my fyp and i hate it. i can’t wait to graduate so that i can get my life back.

yeah, i’m upset that i’m letting everyone down.

‘Sorry I’m not going today cos I overslept and I’ve got a lot of work to finish. See you tomorrow then.’

i left my heart out there

when i take a step back from all the work i have to do and take a moment to breathe, i look at all the photos of mainly year 3s who are on sep all on my newsfeed on fb and i can’t bear to even browse through them cos i miss being out there so much! you never really realise what an amazing world God has created until you see the hills and the pastures and the fields of sunflowers and the snowy alps. all of it just takes your breath away, and you know that photos cannot fully capture that moment and in that split second you just wish you could have that moment forever.

i don’t know when i’ll have the money to travel again but i really can’t wait. it’s stifling to be stuck in lab all day, bound by the chains of work. can’t wait to bring my parents to see what i have seen cos i’m so grateful for the chance to experience all that, and without them i would have never gotten this chance.

i miss being carefree. waking up everyday to a whole new adventure. having so many possibilities but not enough time. being able to soak up the atmosphere of being in somewhere new and exciting. not having to worry about deadlines and submissions and never-ending CAs.

i want to go back.

influbonanza

i found this in a textbook about viruses. yes, textbook.

I had a bird

and its name was Enza

I opened the window

and influenza.

it’s so funny yet sad at the same time. the spanish flu must have been so impactful and life-altering that they came up with a children’s rhyme for it.

sure makes me think of the good old oc days.

yes LL, i saw it on your blog! i’m so stalking you now! haha

xx is back!

i’m super tired/sleepy now.. and i had to wake up extremely early to come to lab.. which is where i’m at now.. totally just sitting in the office area refusing to get up.. slacking for my first hour.. and now attempting to read up abit so that i won’t be so lost if my prof decides to talk to me today (please don’t!).. i was supposed to research on my trip.. but it so didn’t happen.. i tried to.. but obviously it failed.. hence i dreaded coming back to face the people in the lab..

anyway, i so didn’t want to come back la.. but i guess regardless of all the thing i really dislike about sg, it’s still home (so apt esp since national day’s coming up!).. haha.. i missed the food alot! european don’t make decent chilli/curry.. and tom yam soup for that matter.. one month and i would have killed for laksa already.. how do people even go for 6 months?!

my last words

after just a mere 1 week + 3 days, i’m already indebted to quite a few people in the lab. i feel like a burden. ugh! my prof thinks that it’s only right for honours student to go to the lab everyday including weekends. and not being around for so long, i’m scheduled to be back at lab from the moment i come back till the end of my honours year i suppose. i am really glad, though, that the people in my lab are terribly nice, easy to get along with, and extremely funny. it really makes going to the lab and hanging around the whole day a much easier thing to do.

i have not much time left, but much is still left unsaid. i am thankful for this chance to find this part thing i would never found otherwise. i hope i can keep it up. cos it feels really good.

the hot favourite vs the dark horse *spoiler alert

american idol, yeah i had to talk about it.

this sem, i slipped into a reality-show-watching frenzy. i abandoned my usual one tree hill, gossip girl, and grey’s anatomy, and picked up survivor, amazing race and american idol instead. all of which have ended, and i’m also proud to announce that i’ve finished watching one tree hill, gossip girl, and antm cycle 12 as well!

and speaking of antm, yet another cycle where i didn’t like the winner! yucks! 

i thought adam would win. he was sooooo good. but i like kris too. oh, i like them both! but i think adam should have won. i woke up that thursday morning, logged on to fb, and saw the results there on my homepage la! people should be more considerate and warn beforehand. it was the first thing i saw, couldn’t even try to avoid it.

now for oth spoilers**

finally! something good happens and peyton doesn’t die! if she did, i think i will never watched oth again! shows should have happy endings, and the season finale of oth season 6 was filled with them. might be too cliche for some, but life is too sucky and sometimes these shows give you some hope. that dreams come true everyday, or so they say. i willingly believe them just cos it feels good to have some hope.