i don’t want to be emo-nemo.

i’m sitting on my bed in an IMPOSSIBLY CLUTTERED room typing this.. my room has reached the point of frustration this time. i’ve always lived in clutter but this is seriously TOO MUCH. i can even sit down without have the edge of a book jabbing into my thigh, argh!

all this is all thanks to moving back from hall – the root of all evil! rahhh! for the past few days since i’ve been home, i’ve always slept on the sofa cos i concuss while watching tv. i attributed it to paying back my sleep debt from the exams but now i believe with all my heart that it’s my sub-conscious telling myself to avoid my room! and to top it off, my room cannot even contain all my things.. half of it is still cluttering my hallway, which btw i have promised to clear on saturday itself.. but obviously that didn’t happen..

now that i’m home, it’s for good. i didn’t allow myself to think of it the whole time cos i didn’t want to be an emo-nemo like everyone else. but then i started to realise that now, home is really home, and that there’s no where else i can run to and hide. and this is all i have now – my cluttered room. oh, and of cos, an oven-hot sitting room with a sleep-inducing sofa.

i feel sad cos i know this is a goodbye, and i hate goodbyes, be it for place, people or things (some call this compulsive hoarding). and i’m glad i feel sad cos it means that this still means something to me. as much as it is super hard to let go, i still feel that i made the right choice to leave just stop staying. i didn’t want the good feeling to wear thin. i was afraid it would since old people fade. i was concerned about the huge amount of my dad’s money i was spending on my trip. really HUGE. sighh. this is enough. i think my time is now.

still, i feel like a part of me has been ripped off. and i’m still trying to settle down at my new old home.

~ by elleaxeaxe on May 12, 2009.