in church today, we discussed about ‘worry’. i used to worry alot. like to the point that it was almost paranoid! and i would like to think God calmed me down alot. i’m glad i learnt along the way that i cannot control so many things that happen, yet things always turn out fine cos God watching out for me.
i also realised, though, that these days, i just skip the ‘worrying’ step and head straight for the ‘panicking’ step. more often than not, i find that i’m sub-consciously telling myself to take slow deep breaths. why am i saying all this? cos tomorrow is monday and it’s supposed to be e-learning week but i still have class. i was hoping for a pseudo reading week so that i can catch up with my work. and i should be repeating the experiment of mine that failed last week. and i hoping i would succeed last week cos this week i have to go up to CeLS for 3 of the 5 days and do another experiment for the first time, and i’m really confused cos i still don’t really know how much virus to add cos i don’t know how strong my virus cos my experiment last week failed. and once the week starts, i’ll be busy till it ends, and then one more week goes by, one week nearer to the exam for the modules i know nothing about cos i never have time for them. one week closer to the deadlines of all my pbls, group presentation, paper submission etc. oh, and i might have to find time to travel to ntu again. and so, tomorrow is monday. the mere thought makes the panic bubble from inside of me. breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out. my mind cries in frustration, in attempt to release some of the pressure.
i need to remind myself once again, it’s okay. things will be okay, even though you feel like you’re going to die. even if you think there can be no possible way out of it. it’ll be okay. just like all the other times you thought you were going to die. cos God will pull you through it.
tomorrow is monday. and i hate this lifestyle i have. work is not and will never be a priority in my life, and so i hate that i’m being forced to give it first place. i can’t wait to graduate! may, please come quickly!!
Posted in God, thoughts